Joy

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Looking back, I usually don’t have regrets. However, I ponder about future things that need to be resolved in my mind. I like to think about things and search out the solutions.

I have wanted to strive to be something more then I feel I am at this moment in time. I am in a search for my “self”. My kids are sixteen years old and twelve years old. Sean is busy with work and I am in need of discovering a new path that I have not walked on yet. A mother who is used to always having little ones needing her and relying on her comes to a point when that changes. When you are a mother of little ones you have a constant companionship. I no longer have that constant companionship where my kids are glued to me. My girls are wonderful, but they are discovering their own lives and paths. Mom is no longer always included in every aspect of their lives. The growth process is meant to be that way. One must progress and learn to walk new and, hopefully, just as fulfilling paths. There has been no greater joy then wrapping my world into my kid’s worlds. I love teaching and playing with my kids. Nevertheless, I know that I need to grow and turn my “self” into more.

My goal this year was for me to discover a path for myself. I knew as January 1st hit, I felt compelled to have one of my goals for the year be more focused on helping me gain insight to a new path for myself. In doing so, I have been digging deep into my thoughts, prayers and moments of pondering. I recently decided I would read the book “Man’s Search for Meaning.” I got a Kindle, an electronic reader, for Valentine’s Day and I was searching the web for books. When I saw the title it sparked an interest. So, I decided to embark on a journey to read it. I loved it and then I moved on to the book “Prisoners of Our Thoughts,” which just elaborated on the first. They were good books to help me continue on my individual search for meaning. I have to say I like being in the place where I am. I like the feeling of self-discovery and seeing my “self” grow into a better and stronger individual.

It is time to challenge my “self” and learn to continue to walk in a way that is unique and interesting to me. I know the Lord wants me to be lead and guided to my divine qualities that will help me on my path of more discovery. I am capable of discovering joy in my life. I can and should be happy consistently. Joseph Smith declared that, “Happiness is the object and design of our existence.”

Why then are there times in our lives that we block that path of happiness? Sometimes there is a real physical wall that goes up and limits our reach for that joy we desire to have in our lives. I know that I get set on feeling a particular way and use road blocks that sabotage all that I truly desire. I do desire peace, joy and happiness. I desire to feel the Spirit of God in my life consistently. So why do we sometimes choose not to let that flow out of us? I have come to learn that in those moments we choose to follow the adversary. We let his little promptings into our minds and buy into his doubting and stumbling ways.

I am learning that joy and happiness is attainable in each of our individual lives. At times we allow the belief of a false truth into our thoughts. One that declares, “Happiness is not attainable.” Learning to recognize that the adversary wants us to doubt our ability to achieve joy and happiness is life-altering. We are in charge of our choice and we have the power to choose. Learning to know how to reach joy, happiness and peace in this life is an exciting process and it will probably be a long process. However, to dive into and understand those concepts is a great blessing that is given to us through our Heavenly Father. Happiness is a reachable and a teachable state to find. Our entire existence is to learn about the Plan of Happiness, also known as the Plan of Salvation.

As we discover our “self” it should be a fun path and road to be on. I am never happier than when I see the growth from hard experiences that stretch me. Sometimes during the stretching I lose sight and get frustrated. But if I can remember my meaning to life and see that I am learning, in the long run it is a peaceful and a beautiful process.

After a full year of deep intense self-discovery and reflection, I feel I have broken down some of the small walls or barriers that I sometimes create in my life. I believe I have seen that happiness is mine for the taking and I can realize that I deserve to be happy. There is a place for happiness, light-hearted fun and complete joy in my life. This is the time for learning more about the joy of discovery.

I finished reading those books that I mentioned while I was on vacation with my family in Costa Rica. During our trip we had a three-hour drive to one of the sites we were visiting. While traveling to the site I had a great discussion with my sixteen-year old daughter about the book, “Man’s Search for Meaning.” We had nothing but time to discuss ideas and concepts within this book. She is extremely interested in psychology and it was fun to think deeper about the meanings within the book. Our discussion took off into lots of different directions that were related to gospel principles. It was a fun and a thought provoking experience.

The day after I returned home from our vacation I received an email inviting me to attend a fireside titled, “The Joy of Discovery.” I had never before gotten an email from this society. I barely took notice that it was from the San Diego Chapter of the J. Reuben Clark Law Society. It interested me that I was invited to attend a fireside by Jack Welch, a Professor of Law at BYU. I asked my husband and some friends if they would like to attend with me. It was so random. We had not done something like this before on a weekend night.

When we got there, we all realized it was for members of this society. I don’t know why I was on the list to attend. But I was meant to go and hear what was being talked about. After and probably during the fireside, I knew that being there in attendance at that fireside was simply a tender mercy. I loved the things I learned. The most exciting thing for me was seeing Jack Welch so excited about his life and the meaning he had found in it. He had learned how to find meaning in every aspect of life. The details of the fireside would be another article to write, but I do want to express that I know that our Heavenly Father does direct our paths for good. He cares enough about each of us to help us individually in our search for meaning. I am indeed blessed to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to realize that I have a loving Heavenly Father.